why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Randomize
