I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
