Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
