remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
