I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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