omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
