so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
