Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
