The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
