Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
