hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
