I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
