I must be too annoying 4 u.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
