I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
