it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
50% drunk capacity currently
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
