it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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