So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
