Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
