I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
