the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
