I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
