My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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