I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
