glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
