I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
