Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
