i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
