I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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