That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
