but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I understand Curling. That high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
