when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
