that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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