So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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