I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
