This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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