this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
