He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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