can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
