From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
