I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
