She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she peed on how many people?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
