Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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