I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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