making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
