Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
