I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love accidental penises.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
