Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
