remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
