if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
