i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
