i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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