In America we eat man semen.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
