What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
