That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
