did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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