if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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