Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
