Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
