Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
